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  • Mer Monson

One Year

September 29, 2015

September 29, 2016

One year ago today I woke up from surgery in menopause and with a cancer diagnosis. It's been one hell of a year, a packed 12 months to say the least - the most physically challenging and full of the roughest mental and emotional terrain I've yet encountered in my almost 44 years.  At the prompting of my integrative oncologist, I took some time to thank my body - for getting through it's toughest year yet and for working so intently to heal. We also talked about opening myself up, even more, to integrating acceptance of the unknown with learning to trust my body again. I still argue with myself about whether these can coexist, but I catch glimpses of it more and more often and my gut tells me it's doable, so I'll keep at it. What's different, in me and my life, as a result of the past year? Despite the physical challenges, there's quite a list when it comes to my internal landscape. I'm more willing to shift, more pliable and soft. My capacity for self compassion is exponentially higher and I trust myself at a much deeper level - I've got my own back, if you will, in a way I didn't before. It's easier to ask for help and easier to let it in. Heavy judgments, about myself and others, have dissolved into much less cloudy vision. My growing ability to be authentic helps me to say no more often and feel the joy of saying yes to what I really want. I see Steve and my boys with different eyes, eyes and a heart that know I will never take advantage of their company again. I see God in a lot more places and faces than I used to and I know, more than ever, that love is the answer to absolutely everything. Knowing the reality of being blindsided like never before, I laid in bed this morning wondering what next year will bring. Whatever it is, I reminded myself, I get to move through it one breath a time. God's got my back and no matter what it looks like, there will be great things in it.   

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